


you left

by zohe



Category: GOT7
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Death, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 03:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19164469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zohe/pseuds/zohe
Summary: You…really left.





	you left

-

 

‘You left.’

 

The sentence spills over in Jinyoung’s mind. Over and over again.

It’s an endless cycle.

It doesn’t quite sink in, though.

 

_You left._

_You left._

_You…really left._

 

It’s surreal, it’s weird. It’s a trembling truth that refuses to sink in.

 

The house is quiet.

Maybe too quiet.

Maybe, quiet isn’t quite the word Jinyoung’s looking for.

 

The images flash, black, white, grey, in colours and in fragments. A piece from his childhood, a slice from his adolescence, another from when they were pretending to be adults. All at once, the bits of conversations, their catchphrases, dumb jokes, insults and arguments. All the memories flood, scattered and wildly about, everything, everywhere.

Jinyoung could feel it.

He sees all of it.

 

Then suddenly, nothing.

 

_Jaebum left._

 

What was this feeling?

There was a disorienting silence.

It makes Jinyoung dizzy. He wants to throw up, he wants to scream at something, but.

 

He’s hollow.

Empty.

 

It feels like there is something huge horribly missing.

And yet, it was almost as if he had lost something he never had.

 

In his head, Jaebum smiles.

Eyes closed off, cheeks rounded off. A wide grin, an ugly, ugly wide grin. Jinyoung swears he hears that familiar laughter echo across the four walls.

Whatever it was they shared, it was gone now.

 

Jaebum was smiling.

It was something Jinyoung hasn’t seen in a while.

 

And something he would probably never properly see again.

 

The tears fall.

A drop of salt, landed coldly.

 

Jinyoung can’t quite remember when the last time he saw Jaebum was.

He’s been alone, all the while.

He’s staring blankly at the wall. At nothing, at all the images that keep appearing before his eyes. At Jaebum’s life as they’ve growth up together through the years. At all the years and the memories. At nothing, at everything.

 

And the tears fell.

Fell and fell.

 

Jinyoung wanted to tell Jaebum.

That he was happy to have met him. To have known him. All these years now.

That he was sorry, for something, everything. For being petty. For being stupid. For the things he’d said and done.

That he was angry. That the world is unfair, that he was being unfair.

 

…that no matter what he wanted to say, it didn’t matter anymore.

 

Jaebum wasn’t here anymore.

A tightness hitched inside Jinyoung’s chest.

It was anger, regret.

 

The unspoken words burned at the back of his mind, imprinting their mark on him forever. It was killing him.

It killed him. Knowing that these words Jaebum never heard, and would never hear.

 

Jaebum was gone.

Jinyoung screams.

 

The cry of anguish sounds aloud in the room.

 

-

 

They had found Jaebum on the floor.

 

-

 

Jaebum once told him that he was proud of him.

 

Having a friend like him.

Being friends with him.

 

That should’ve been Jinyoung’s line.

Except he never said it.

 

And that wasn’t the truth, at least that what Jinyoung wants to tell him.

Jinyoung wasn’t anything for him to be proud of, at least he doesn’t think he is.

 

Jinyoung cracks open into a bitter laugh.

If only Jaebum had knew.

He would have never said what he did.

 

_Proud?_

_Of him?_

A dry scoff.

A sour anger constricts in his neck.

 

Jinyoung was a fraud.

 

He lied.

He acted.

He pretended.

 

He embodied the perfect friend.

That’s what.

 

He became the perfect friend, that’s what.

Someone he knew Jaebum would be friends with.

 

He was a manipulator, that’s what.

He was disgusting.

 

“Proud?” Jinyoung coughs that word up, like it was some kind of disease.

 

And he only sees that beam Jaebum shines at him.

Those words were piercingly painful.

 

Jaebum probably never really knew the real him.

And now, he never would.

 

-

 

They said it was because of natural causes.

 

-

 

But Jinyoung knows better.

 

When did it start?

These feelings.

 

It was like, one day, they were there.

They wouldn’t go away.

 

So Jinyoung had to.

 

“Goodbye.”

 

He had said then.

He went to the beach and sat there for the longest time.

 

Thinking, and thinking.

About nothing, and about Jaebum.

 

He spent many nights awake, wide awake.

But still, he kept his distance, he stayed away.

 

He thinks about Jaebum.

A lot.

 

Thinking, and thinking – the days fade into icy blocks of time.

It dawns on Jinyoung.

 

He’d probably love Jaebum forever.

And that he’s probably loved him all along.

 

-

 

The funeral was simple.

The difficult part was going through it.

 

-

 

Jinyoung feels like nothing.

 

Like nothing is really all that significant.

Like there were regrets piling on regrets, piling on all the lost moments, missing conversations, and unspoken words.

 

Like Jaebum never existed, what they shared never happened.

 

Like he was nothing.

 

-

 

Jaebum left.

 

And, maybe Jinyoung never quite lives again.  

 

-

**Author's Note:**

> Feeling kinda sad.   
> Hence this short piece.


End file.
